


Accepting Kindness

by Hibibun



Series: GAME: RESTART [1]
Category: End Roll (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Child Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Slow Build, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 09:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8243966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hibibun/pseuds/Hibibun
Summary: A look into how things may have gone if Chris was able to go to the zoo with Russell.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As a warning, I've only read this through roughly once and I'm posting it very late where I am so I'll likely do a better scan for typos or awkward sentences later. I might also turn this into a series and build up to them getting together because it's still only a pairing if you squint thing, but I'd like to imagine the rest of the character's deaths with this development for Russell and in some cases how things may have gone if Chris was around for him more.

Russell hated weekends. Some weekends where his parents were out most of the day were okay. On those days, he was free to play video games for longer than usual and enjoy the silence in the house. He was able to be a normal kid who enjoyed the weekend’s spare time like everyone else his age usually got to. He didn’t have to worry about his father getting mad at him for existing too loudly despite all the noise he made yelling or his mother being irritated if he somehow interrupted her.

It was the weekends where one or both of them were at home that he couldn’t stand.

With school, he had an excuse to be out and somewhere else as even though he usually skipped class, playing somewhere else with Chris or the other kids who skipped with them was fun. He’d have to head home eventually, but at least those days he had somewhere to go. The idea of attempting to go over Chris’ place on a weekend filled him with dread because it was different when the offer was presented to him. If he knocked and no one answered or if he was turned away—not that he’d ever tried to see if he would be—it’d have a chance of making him feel worse so more often than not he avoided it entirely.

This weekend was a bad weekend though and he was hesitating on what he should do. His father wouldn’t stop yelling and he was already feeling the ache of bruises on his arms from being wrenched out of the way of the bathroom because it figured that if his father was drunk he’d eventually need to use it. The only issue was, there was nowhere else Russell thought of to hide or get away to. Chris was his first impulse thought as they’d actually attended class yesterday and he’d mentioned not having plans this weekend, but there was a twinge of fear still about that changing last minute. His thoughts shifted instead to how his teacher had mentioned that they’d be giving out slips for a field trip to the zoo in a few months and he realized exactly where he could go instead.

There was no way either of his parents would sign the slip so Russell figured he might as well go by himself. He’d never had qualms about taking money from his mother’s purse and he never usually took enough for it to be noticeable. Since his father was still in the bathroom and his mother was distracted, Russell saw it as the perfect opportunity to take roughly what he thought would be needed for a child’s ticket and a bit extra for lunch money.

As usual, slipping out of the house was easy and he knew neither of his parents would end up noticing or caring if he suddenly vanished. It would have been quicker to take a bus to the zoo, but given his current mood, walking wasn’t really an issue.

What he didn’t expect was to run into Chris on his way there or see firsthand that the other meant it when he said he didn’t really have anything to do.

“Hey, Russell! Up to anything or are you just sneaking out of the house like usual?” Chris asked although it was probably clear which one his friend was doing. Still, in a way Russell appreciated the normalcy Chris treated his situation with as though he made it clear he wanted to help and be there for him, he did it in such a way that he avoided looking like he pitied him.

He found himself hesitating in answering though only because an idea struck him, but he was nervous in trying it out. It was likely that Chris wouldn’t be able to go on the field trip either as he and his mom were usually short on cash, but the extra money Russell took would probably be enough for a second ticket. The idea of spending a day somewhere normal and fun with a friend was nicer than playing in the alleys they were used to or feeling guilty about taking what little Chris had to offer at his place. It was something Russell could actually offer himself as it wasn’t like he was ever able to invite his friend over either.

The question sat on his tongue though and he couldn’t place what it was making him afraid of asking. Chris waved a hand in front of his face after a few minutes of his silence assuming he had zoned out as he sometimes did, but it was enough of a push for Russell to make himself say something.

“I was gonna’ go to the zoo… I think I have enough for another ticket if you wanna’ come too.”

Russell didn’t care if he didn’t have lunch as a result; he was used to not eating a lot. The guilty and nervous look on Chris’ face almost made him back off, but when he thought about it, if it wasn’t enough they could just do something else and Russell could go another day.

“If it isn’t, we can do something else. I just wanted to go out,” Russell clarified and it at least made Chris seem more at ease with the idea.

“Y-Yeah, okay then. I wasn’t really up to anything and if it really isn’t a big deal.”

It wasn’t an extraordinarily long walk, but Russell already felt infinitely better about asking Chris to come. Neither of them were in great positions, but when they were together it let Russell feel like his life was normal and his existence wasn’t just a pain to the people around him. He wasn’t really sure what Chris got from hanging out, nor could he really remember what it was that started their friendship, but he was simply happy that the other was around.

By the time they reach the lines and confirm that Russell had just enough for their tickets, he’s able to forget about how awful the morning had been and instead focus on the topic of the video game he last brought over Chris’ house. It didn’t really change how things were at his place or what usually happened, but it gave him the chance to think about something else until he had to go back. The line and noise from it had been a bit difficult to deal with, but once they were inside and plotting out where they wanted to go first, Russell found himself able to breathe a bit easier.

The whole park seemed to have an organized circuit so one could choose which way to start on and circle back around to the exit easily. Seeing as most of the crowd went one way and neither of them had a strong preference on where to start, going the opposite way seemed to make sense.

Chris had joked about it being a form of rebellion when really Russell knew it was just him being considerate. The penguins had been a good place to start anyway as for whatever reason; water was always a source of comfort for Russell. After he seemed to calm down, they’d past by the rest of the arctic exhibit and moved into the plains exhibit. Each time they walked past something huge, Chris couldn’t hide his excitement or how impressed he was. Within a few seconds, it always moved into an embarrassment only fed by the fact that Russell didn’t explain what he was thinking that well.

If he were honest, he tended to find Chris’ reactions cute, but he knew the slight quirk of his small smiles often gave the wrong impression entirely. Seeing his friend only get more flustered made it hard to clarify or admit what he really thought though. At first, he’d been slightly nervous at how much smaller and notably weaker he was compared to the animals they looked at, but Chris’ excitement alongside how non-violent they actually acted eased his worries.

It was only when they approached the next area where various types of monkeys were did his mood start to darken again. Russell was almost thankful Chris hadn’t noticed right away too amazed by their climbing and not at all bothered by the screeching. They had been getting fed around the time they showed up and while the attendant was nice Russell was slowly starting to lose his calm. When they headed in back to get a closer look, his vision began to tunnel and the intrusive thought to grab the nearest object and beat it over the attendant’s head was all Russell could think about.

Chris was used to Russell’s silence and didn’t think much of it when he mutely followed behind him and the attendant whose name he now knew was Tabasa. It was only when he turned to ask a question did Chris notice how badly his friend was taking things and without thinking reached to squeeze his hand.

For a brief second, the world calmed as Russell’s attention drew to the fingers now encasing his. Whatever Chris and the attendant had been saying was muffled beyond any sense of understanding, but all he knew is that between his disconnect somehow the two of them had gone from being surrounded by screeching monkeys to standing towards the exit of the exhibit.

Their hands were still clasped as Chris was leading them off and only dimly did he make out where it was he said they were going, “C’mon Russell, I think the rabbit’s exhibit was near here.”

Tabasa had been worried when Chris excused them so quick after being brought in to get a closer look, but whatever was wrong all he could really surmise is the monkeys were upsetting Russell somehow. He’d seen him get like this before, but there was something a little different about it that admittedly scared him. Rather than simply shut down and get quiet, Russell had been glancing around as if looking for something and clenching his hands repeatedly. It and the fact he didn’t seem to recognize anything going on around him had pushed Chris into grabbing his hand and getting out of there physically rather than trying to talk him out with words.

Whatever was wrong seemed to be slowly leaving and appeared to dissipate entirely when a different attendant allowed Russell to hold one of the rabbits. Holding such a small and gentle creature only drove home how equally fragile humans were and how easily he almost killed another person. Once the thought registered about how close he’d been, a sense of fear and shame filled him.

Russell gave the rabbit back and trailed to a nearby bench only dimly noticing that Chris followed him. The thought of being cared about after what he’d almost done made him disgusted and unable to stop himself from whispering what he’d been about to do.

“I almost killed him.”

Chris blinked because he wasn’t sure he heard Russell right, but he couldn’t deny hearing him after Russell repeats himself, a little louder and shakier.

“I-I almost killed him.”  

He almost tells Russell not to joke around about stuff like that, but from how badly his friend’s hands were shaking he can tell it isn’t a joke.

“I-If you weren’t here I…” Russell started bringing a hand to his mouth honestly ill from the thought of it now that the moment had passed. Unsure on how to completely help, all Chris could think to say is what first comes to mind.

“But you didn’t,” Chris started, hesitant on how to continue, “Was it the monkeys? Or something he said? He seemed really nice so I dunno’ I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal.”

That was the problem though, he _had_ been nice. Adults in Russell’s life were never nice without a reason. Yet, he found himself happy about it and then almost immediately depressed. Why was it now that he got to meet such a nice adult? It was rare he’d ever find someone like that again and when he went back home no one would be there to help or protect him. If only he had a big brother like that maybe he wouldn’t be covered in bruises. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so alone.

The thoughts ended up translating messily into words, but enough made sense that Chris felt even more uncomfortable at how open Russell was actually being about his situation. He knew about his home life considering how many times Russell had avoided going home and stayed at their place. He’s seen the bruises and heard the bare minimum, but because of how bad it was, he knew better than to ask.

Gently, Chris tried to reach out again for Russell’s hand, relieved when he wasn’t pushed away.

“I’m sorry you don’t have anyone else at home with you, but… I’m here okay? I mean, I’ve said it before, but it really wouldn’t be a big deal if I talked to mom about letting you stay she loves you too, y’know?”

Russell didn’t know how to explain that while that offer meant a lot, it was something he simply couldn’t take. Chris had a hard enough life as is and he was afraid his presence in their home would end up driving his only friend away out of resentment. His friend’s fingers squeezed his again to emphasize his point, but Russell still didn’t know what to say. Coming off of what he’d almost just done, the idea of it only made him feel even more unworthy of such a kindness.

“Look, you don’t have to think about it right now, but keep it in mind. If there’s nothing else you wanna’ look at, we can head back too.”

The out being given to him is enough for him to ignore the mix of guilt and anger clouding him and focus on not ruining the rest of the day. A part of him wanted to head back now, but he felt it was a little unfair since they still hadn’t looked at everything and this now was partly for Chris too. He didn’t want to deprive him of a good time even though it felt like he already had and he managed to express as much even if his words felt distant and hollow.

Chris seemed anxious at the idea, but as they enter the next exhibit it’s quiet and empty enough that Russell seemed okay. Most of the visitors likely avoided the place as reptiles didn’t do much. After the excitement of the day, if one was willing to call it that, Chris was perfectly fine watching lizards hang strangely off leaves. As they were watching a frog stare down it’s meal, Russell was nearly startled by the reappearance of the attendant from before though thankfully his prior urge didn’t reappear as well.

“Feelin’ any better Russell?” Tabasa—Chris told him his name, he remembered—asked and it took him a moment to realize that was the excuse his friend had said at their sudden departure.

“Yeah, sorry about suddenly leaving,” Russell answered quietly though he was apologizing for more than just that.

“Nah, if you’re sick you can’t help that; I’m just glad you’re alright.”

There was a break in the conversation as Chris’ stomach growled only followed by a light dust of pink gracing the boy’s cheeks.

“You two have lunch yet? I’m on break myself I just happened to spot you so I thought I’d check on Russell before I ate.”

“No, we uh…” Chris never felt comfortable admitting when he was short on money, and since they just had enough to get two tickets he doubted Russell had any money for food either.

Beyond making sure Russell was okay, Tabasa also had a weird feeling about how scrawny and alone both boys looked as usually kids their age had a parent or at least a bigger group of friends when going to places like this. They stuck out and it upset him more than he’d admit to have his hunch be correct.

“Well, I’d say now is a good time to eat, the sandwiches they have here are pretty good, but I’d avoid the soups they always taste off for some reason.”

“We don’t have any money,” Russell found himself bluntly admitting if only because he knew Chris couldn’t and personally he felt guilty about being treated by someone he almost murdered earlier.

“I figured it was something like that, but it’s an adult’s job to make sure kids like you guys get fed so don’t worry about it,” Tabasa explained and Russell felt another pang at wishing someone like him could remain in his life. The fact it wasn’t followed by another pang of jealous anger and merely just sadness allowed him to meekly give in. Seeing as Russell wasn’t saying no anymore, Chris nervously followed.

They both settled for the cheapest sandwiches available, though Tabasa bought an extra for each of them. Once they sat down to eat and conversation took over, the previous guilt was at least distracted by how nice everything seemed. It’d probably come back when Russell had to be alone facing his parents, but alongside that was the now pleasant memories he had of both Chris’ and Tabasa’s kindness.

Maybe one day they’d come back to chat again and hear more stories about the types of animals Tabasa cared for. Maybe one day he’d even take Chris up on his offer to stay at his place instead. It wasn’t a fear of his parents coming and getting him or hurting Chris stopping him, but a sense that it’d be something he could never make up for and a fear that he’d only make their situation worse and ruin whatever friendship they had.

For now he’d try to focus on this good memory and hope it would replace the hell that was waiting for him at home.


End file.
